You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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