I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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