Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
