I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
