I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
