I think my fart just growled at me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
