I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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