Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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