Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
