your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
