I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
