girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
