I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
