break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
