There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
