forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
