Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
