my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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