dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Come on in and take your pants off
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