margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
