That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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