Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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