Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
