If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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