..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
