Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
