Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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