Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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