I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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