You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
