If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
