wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
