My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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