just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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