Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize