I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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