Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
