So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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