My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have aggressive nipples.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
