hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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