Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize