It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
