I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
