This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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