So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
