I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
4 words: hood of his car
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
