Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
