I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
