How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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