stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
