I'm going to jail i love you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
