Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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