i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
