Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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