Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
