grandma shit on top of the toilet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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