good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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