Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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