Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
