i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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