you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
