I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
