you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize