both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
