oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
