whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
