Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
