life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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